'We accept the love we think we deserve' - Stephen Chobsky, The perks of being a Wallflower
The first time I had ever felt attracted to someone aka. crush, not the secondary school friend connections where we stayed up texting all night and dodging from our parents *Sorry mom*...lmao, but actually liking someone I felt 'was real' for lack of better words. Most importantly, I felt like a grown ass woman who truth being told was still this little girl figuring out her way in life who was feeling the void of a new place, new experiences, craving connections and wanting to truly be seen. It was truly exciting to be noticed, but still I couldn't help but feel guilty it wasn't right and I didn't want to feel this way so I ran. I ran because I had been conditioned to see attraction as a normality only at the right time. I was young and had no right to be feeling that way. I ran because I could barely have a coherent conversation and I ran because I could not explain what was going on neither did I know what I wanted.
This makes me hope, pray and wish that the younger ones are enlightened better. Parents and guardians do an amazing job raising their children and protecting them from the harsh realities of life. But sometimes they have to be willing to let them in on certain realities to avoid the search for information somewhere else in a world full of varying information. Lord help they don't go searching in the wrong place. As they grow let them know that attractions are normal as we are all human beings but its advised that they are mature enough to handle such situations. They don't have to run from it but acknowledge it for what it is. Let them know what sex and intimacy is so they don't rely on friends for details you are afraid to share with them. Don't just assume celibacy for them as much as you might want them to be, teach them healthy and safe practices. Don't just tell them to stay away from... or to protect their dignity. Open a non-judgemental line of communication, be honest with them and they in turn will feel like they can be honest with you.
I had thought that maybe someone could fill the void I was experiencing and instead of looking inwards and identifying the problem, I was willing to bypass the problem and enjoy this new engagement of mine. Eventually, a misplaced text later intended for another friend and numerous avoidant behaviors later, I was ready to speak my mind. Since then, I never looked back as I had realized one thing, no one could make me whole and the more empty I felt the more willing I was to condone anything blaming myself for incidences beyond my control. All I wanted was to feel loved and wanted and cherished and I realized that if I didn't give myself all these things no one else neither family nor friend could give it to me.
Many times in various relationships, we crave people not because of who they are but because we feel some insufficiency in us without them. Friendships, family romantic relationships you name it, wouldn't flourish in such cases as always, it seems as though, there is a draining effect as one person keeps on taking and taking from the other person like its a drug and they need to get their fix. All goes until the other party can give no more. We forget that halfbaked and halfbaked cannot be fully baked together and we cant expect that the people in our lives could save us from our demons. Most importantly, we forget that we cannot give what we don't have as if we are unable to love the very person that accompanies us everywhere we go, daily inhabiting our own essence which is ourselves, how then can we love someone else? Especially knowing there is no love in us for us and to share with the world. I really hope this Valentine's day as you treat yourself and appreciate all those you love, that you pause take a breath and ensure that you are full and overflowing with love and appreciation for yourself so you can truly share this with others and truly spread the love. Also question do I love this person or people for who they are or do they fill some space in me? Always, love is beautiful and will always make the world go around in a way that nothing else does. So in all things keep the love alive.
Happy valentine day lovelies!
Blessings always,
Mirabel^.^